Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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