I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Semen is not good for contacts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
