Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
