i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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