How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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