I accidentally had phone sex last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize