He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize