I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i think i just lost a toe
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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