Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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