I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
