Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
