If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize