i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drake has all the answers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
