just tell him i said nine months
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
