i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
