So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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