woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
