You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her vagine was all disorganized.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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