Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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