so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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