Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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