Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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