You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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