I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize