just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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