Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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