I'm gonna have a badass scar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
