She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
