Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
