you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
