remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
