Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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