3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i've created a new STD.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
