So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
