i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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