bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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