My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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