I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
