i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
