brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
