3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
