Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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