and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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