the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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