Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
