Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
