2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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