after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
