I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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