Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
