When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
