I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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