I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
