I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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