I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
