you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
