sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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