Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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