I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
