I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
