his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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