I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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