so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
