He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
