it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
