We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
