i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
