you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
