TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
